Not-tasteless

wabbit

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Not one of the Golden Globe winners last night thanked Harvey Weinstein in their acceptance speeches, which seems a little ungrateful seeing as, without him, half of them would never have got the job in the first place.
How about the sermon by The Oprah. She talked about speaking the truth...well the Truth is a billionaire bigoted useless idiot in the Entertainment industry, who has commented all racists (white folks) must die, has a snowflake's chance in Hell of getting enough votes to be elected POTUS. She just needs to ask HillyBilly about the secret to spending millions to lose a Presidential election...or she could just read one of her books. :rofl:
 

billynomates

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I went to hospital with a toilet brush stuck up my arse. The doctor said, "How did this happen?" I said, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another an we ended up back at mine..." He said, "Into the kinky stuff was she?" I said, "No ... my wife came home".
 

wabbit

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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"


"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keysand produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150! she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

 
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billynomates

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'Balls deep in your sister' is not a good reply when your wife asks you where you want to be buried?

It it says on the menu tell the waitress about your allergies she doesn't want to hear why you can't wear a condom as your cock turns bright red and itches like hell.
 

wabbit

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
 

wabbit

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

 

wabbit

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[FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my


list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,


so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here


who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you


have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."


Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.


In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept


diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over.


he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.


"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and


I don't think I could do that all day long."


The devil led him to the door of the next room.


In it was Al Gore with a sledge- hammer and a room full of rocks.


All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.


"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder.


I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks


all day, commented Obama.


The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his


legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica


Lewinsky, doing what she does best.


Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah


man, I can handle this."


The devil smiled and said...........






"OK, Monica, you're free to go."


















































[/FONT]


[/FONT]




 

wubders

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A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all die. They all arrive at heaven wanting to enter the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks the first girl, “Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis?
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.
St. Peter says, “Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis?
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well once I fondled and stroked one.”
St. Peter says, “Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate.”

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, “Lisa! What seems to be the rush?”

The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her ass in it”.
 

wubders

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I don't know where they sell her candles, suppose women would buy it especially if theirs doesnt smell quite as nice?
 
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wabbit

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Every week, I entered the state lottery hoping to win; I never did.

Finally, I prayed vigorously and, hoping for God's message, as I walked around the local fairground.

A flash of lightning struck as I was passing by Nadine's carnival stall.

She was bending over and I saw she was not wearing panties.

I could see the number 7 tattooed on each of her butt cheeks

I bet on 77, as I thought God had given me a sign.

Sadly, I lost again; the winning number was 707.

Moral of the story :


Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life.
 

wabbit

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Nancy Pelosi was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a grade four class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mrs. Pelosi if she would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious Democrat asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'.

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy."


"No," said Pelosi, "that would be an accident."




A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that would be a tragedy."




"I'm afraid not," explained Pelosi . "That's what we would call great loss."



The room went silent. No other child volunteered. Pelosi
searched the room.



"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"



Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher held her breath. In a quiet voice he said: "If the plane carrying you was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."



"Fantastic!" exclaimed Pelosi, "That's right. And can
you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"



"Well," says Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your sweet ass it wouldn't be an accident either!"