Not-tasteless

[wabbit]

Not one of the Golden Globe winners last night thanked Harvey Weinstein in their acceptance speeches, which seems a little ungrateful seeing as, without him, half of them would never have got the job in the first place.

How about the sermon by The Oprah. She talked about speaking the truth...well the Truth is a billionaire bigoted useless idiot in the Entertainment industry, who has commented all racists (white folks) must die, has a snowflake's chance in Hell of getting enough votes to be elected POTUS. She just needs to ask HillyBilly about the secret to spending millions to lose a Presidential election...or she could just read one of her books.

[billynomates]

I went to hospital with a toilet brush stuck up my arse. The doctor said, "How did this happen?" I said, "Well I met this bird in a club, one thing led to another an we ended up back at mine..." He said, "Into the kinky stuff was she?" I said, "No ... my wife came home".

[wabbit]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"


"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keysand produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!” she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."

[wubders]

Look at the stones on this guy!



for anyone who might be interested....

[billynomates]

'Balls deep in your sister' is not a good reply when your wife asks you where you want to be buried?

It it says on the menu tell the waitress about your allergies she doesn't want to hear why you can't wear a condom as your cock turns bright red and itches like hell.

[wabbit]

[wabbit]

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

[wabbit]

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.